Im writing an encomium essay on awkward silence we are focusing on award silence in the workspace, our initial grade was a c and we got low marks on using sources – i attached a brand audit draft we made and an example draft from a previous class- I also attached our draft I want you to revise it but also rewrite it- using the professors feedback I want you to fix the essay -here is the professors feedback-

Summary of Professors Feedback

1. Focus on the

Brand Audit first, not the Rebrand

Your group jumped too quickly into thinking about the rebrand, instead of fully analyzing the current brand of awkward silence.

What he wants:

• Break down what awkward silence actually is
• Identify all the elements that make it awkward
• Understand how people experience it

Examples of elements to analyze:

• Social norms (expectation that someone should speak)
• Familiarity vs strangers
• Power dynamics (boss vs employee)
• Presence and control in a room
• Nervousness vs incompetence
• Silence in email / digital communication
• Workplace hierarchy

The rebrand must come from this analysis.

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2. Do Not Make Claims Without Sources

Your introvert vs extrovert claim was the biggest issue.

Problem:

• You asserted something without evidence
• It sounded like speculation

Professors point:

• Its okay to raise ideas
• But you must support them with research

If you mention:

• Introversion/extroversion
• Psychology
• workplace behavior

You must show:

• psychology studies
• workplace research
• sociology literature

---

3. Expand the Psychological and Social Research

He thinks psychology is actually a good direction, but you didnt go deep enough.

Areas to research:

• Social norms around silence
• Nervousness vs cowardice (freezing under pressure)
• Workplace communication psychology
• Neurodivergence and social cues
• Ableism in workplace expectations

Important point:

Awkward silence assumes normative behavior expectations.

But:

• Some people process slower
• Some people struggle with social cues
• Some people cannot respond immediately

So your analysis should acknowledge this ethically.

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4. Analyze the Situation From Multiple Perspectives

Your paper focused too much on one viewpoint.

Example you used:

New employee getting caught in awkward silence.

But he wants you to consider all stakeholders:

Perspectives to analyze:

• Person asked the question
• Person expected to answer
• Observers in the room
• Manager asking the question

He wants a 360 analysis.

---

5. Identify What Actually Makes Silence Awkward

Your sources mentioned something important you didnt fully unpack:

Silence feels different depending on relationship context.

Example:

• Silence between friends bonding
• Silence between strangers awkward

This is a key element of the brand.

Your audit should identify components like:

• familiarity
• power hierarchy
• social expectations
• urgency
• attention/control in a room

---

6. Improve Structure and Write in One Voice

Your professor said the paper reads like separate sections written by different people.

This happens when:

• Everyone writes their own section
• The group only checks for grammar

Instead:

Someone should edit the entire paper together.

Goal:

• One consistent voice
• Clear flow
• Less repetition
• More logical structure

He suspects the introvert/extrovert section came from one person and wasnt integrated with the rest.

---

7. Use Better Sources

Your sources currently repeat the same basic ideas.

He wants more diverse research from:

• psychology
• sociology
• workplace management
• business communication
• disability studies

Even non-academic sources (management advice, leadership training) can help show how people talk about silence in workplaces.

---

8. The Paper Can Be Longer

You can exceed 5 pages if necessary.

Reason:

Group research should be condensed and purposeful, not artificially limited.

But:

Avoid rambling.

---

9. The Topic Is Actually Strong

Despite the issues, he said:

• Your topic is strong
• There is a lot to explore
• Your group is thinking in productive directions

You just need to:

• deepen the analysis
• ground claims in research
• focus the audit

WRITE MY PAPER